is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
