So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My pussy is not your playground.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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