She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
