My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.