I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.