I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks