Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just threw up on my dentist
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go