that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
