This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half