would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he shaved USA in his pubs
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
