went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
