Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
