He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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