Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
vagina is talking i cant
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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