What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
