Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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