dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize