dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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