is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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