I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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