I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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