Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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