I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
