someone get that fucking seahorse.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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