Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
