dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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