I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
