this just has baby written all over it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
