You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.