I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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