1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
