new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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