THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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