So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
