I've blown a few things in my day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
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Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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