maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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