Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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