exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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