How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
