We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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