k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
