Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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