if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
