I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
