i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
