Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
