Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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