Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
