There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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