I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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