Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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