I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
