She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
