perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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