Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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