all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
