I want to have your abortion
It's Friday. Sex?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Less talking, more tequila
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i believe in u and ur pee
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
