Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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