well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my god I love twenty year old dicks
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
