he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize