Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
