she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
