Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
