if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
