Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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