So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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