Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
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I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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