Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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