Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
