After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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