so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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