You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
