yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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