Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
