there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
