I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
