He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
