Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
