If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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