Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
