where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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