i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you will always have a special place in my vag
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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