why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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