This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
