can we get nightvision for the apartment?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
