Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
