I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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