I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
